If I were to tell you to think about sucking on a lemon, I can certainly bet that many of you had your cheeks pucker and you had extra saliva excrete from your mouth. Are you actually sucking on a lemon? Of course not, but your body does not differentiate real from imagined scenarios.
When we worry about our future, and we think about it again and again, the effect is to live today the stress of something that might not ever happen. My son’s girlfriend was getting all worked up about her father delivering a mattress to her apartment. Her father had loaded the mattress in his truck in the morning before work and it wasn’t going to be delivered until much later that evening. My son’s girlfriend was all worried and upset. I just know it is going to rain today and the mattress will be ruined. It was early in the morning when she told me this. I told her that worrying about it was wasting energy. If the mattress were delivered in perfect condition, she would have spent the whole entire day worrying for nothing. If the mattress does in fact get wet or ruined, then she should deal with it when it happens - and not one second earlier. We do this a lot – don’t we? We replay all of the absolute worst case scenarios and outcomes of potential situations. We then think so much about those worst case scenarios that our body feels as if it is true. Our stress hormones skyrocket in our bodies, causing us unneeded pain and suffering. Most of the time, the worst case scenario never happens and we just stressed out our bodies for nothing. There are times when bad things do happen, but by the time it does, we are already so stressed and on edge that we then lack the emotional wherewithal to properly deal with the situation.
Remember the lemon. Stop sucking on it! Stop bringing the future into today as if it were real. Save your energy to deal with things if and when they ever actually transpire. And if they don’t, you have just saved yourself a whole lot of unnecessary grief. Remember always that you are worthy, you are lovable, and you deserve goodness in your life!
If I am holding a cup of ice water and I accidently bump into you – what will spill out onto you? The cold ice water will spill out onto you. What if I am holding a cup of hot coffee and I accidently bump into you, what will spill out? The hot coffee will of course spill out onto you. How about the insides of you? What happens when you are pushed around a bit or jostled by life? What spills out? Is it anger? Is it bitterness? Is it resentment? Or is it the ability to cope, face the world and move on? How you handle the stress of life and the situation has a lot to do with what is inside of you. What happens when someone cuts you off on the freeway? Do you yell in anger? Or do you just think “wow, they must be in a hurry.”
When I was just 16 years old, I held my first official job working at McDonald’s. I was working the counter one day when I served a middle-aged customer his soda, burger and fries. This particular customer was very unhappy with the amount of fries that were in his bag. He felt he was getting ripped off and that the bag was under filled. I knew the amount was exactly as it should be because there are a certain number of ounces that were standard to fill the fry bags. This man became so irate that he started to raise his voice and then he was full blown screaming at me. I was very scared and I started to cry. That evening when I went home, I told my mom about the story. I told her that you would have thought I took his first born with how angry and upset he was with me over a bag of French fries. My mother told me that people like that have other things in their lives that make them upset and that he was taking his anger out on me inappropriately. My mother was able to provide clarity to me that when this man was jostled by life, albeit by a bag of French fries that he felt was under filled, it sets off and triggers all of his anger that is held inside of him.
What is inside of you? How easily are you triggered to anger? How easily are you upset? I hope what spills out are love, happiness, and the ability to find goodness in this world. You can change what spills out of you by changing what is inside of you.
Remember always that you are worthy, you are lovable, and you deserve goodness in your life!
I am so proud of my oldest son, Brandon. He just graduated from Colorado State University’s School of Business with a degree in accounting. As I beamed with pride as he walked across the stage and accepted his well-deserved and hard-earned diploma, I was pondering the words that the Dean of the School of Business uttered in the commencement speech just moments earlier.
“Trust and integrity are an ALL or NOTHING proposition.” Dean Ajay Menon
Dean Ajay Menon said, “trust and integrity are an ALL or NOTHING proposition.” The truth to this statement is so utterly profound. Either you trust someone or you don’t. Either you have integrity or you don’t. Having a spouse or significant other that you trust wholeheartedly is a safe and peaceful place. What if you “trusted” your significant other not to cheat 80% of the time? In essence, they are untrustworthy. Keeping that sacred bond is either 100% or 0%. What if you only trusted your financial advisor and accountant who keep your books 90% of the time? It simply isn’t good enough. Companies’ value statements and the way in which they conduct business either displays integrity or it does not. I know I wouldn’t want to invest my blood, sweat, and tears into a company that lacked integrity in the manner in which they conducted business.
Throughout our lives, we have all been through levels of broken trust and betrayals. It cuts to the core of the relationship. It takes away the safe feeling of being with or around that person. But we too, have been the ones who have broken trust and let people down – whether we meant to or not. I was listening to Anthony William speak and he said something that stuck with me on the concept of trust and it has to do with sunsets. It is easy to lose trust, especially after a lifetime of people or situations letting us down. Our psyche can be battered and bruised from these failures.
Anthony suggested that the very simplest way to establish trust at a soul level is to watch a sunset. Sunsets are so breathtakingly beautiful as the rose colored ball of light makes its way below the horizon. I love to watch the sunsets in Colorado as the sun makes its way behind the mountains. The bright oranges and brilliant hues of blue are awe-inspiring in the evening sky. As the evening darkness takes over, the soul 100% trusts with certainty that the sun will be here again in the morning. There hasn’t been a day when the sun hasn’t made its presence known at dawn. No matter who or what has let you down in your life, the sun rising and setting is a certainty. The next time you watch a sunset, not only observe the beauty before you but take a moment to trust in the universe because you know the sun will be back again tomorrow. Remember always that you are worthy, you are lovable, and you deserve goodness in your life!
Can you believe that just ONE hour a day is the same as NINE 40 hour work weeks???
Sometimes, people wonder how they can possibly take on one more thing in their already busy and overburdened lives. They can’t find the time to exercise or commit to starting a new business. “I would love to, but I just can’t seem to find the time,” are comments you hear over and over.
But what if you realized that getting up one hour earlier every day and spending time doing something for you, meant that you are devoting a full 2 1/4 months of “job time” to your new venture? I know that if I could spend two and a quarter months at my current day job working on things for me instead of working on projects for my boss, I would get a whole lot done towards my own goals and dreams!
Just realizing that one hour a day is that many work weeks should clearly have you see that if you really want something, you will find the time to do it. People spend their time, their energy and their resources on the things that matter to them the most in life. If you find yourself “out of time” simply “add” this hour a day to your new passion. Get up an hour earlier, or if you are a night owl like me, spend an hour in the evening devoting yourself to what it is that you desire.
Find the time to fuel your passion! And then pretty soon your passion may be your “full-time job” and you can quit your “regular 9-5” routine for Corporate America.
Remember always that you are worthy, you are lovable, and you deserve goodness in your life!
When checking different sources on the number of thoughts we have on any given day, most resources say we have between 50,000 and 70,000 thoughts per day. What is even more astonishing is that researchers say that upwards of 90% of those thoughts are exactly the same ones we had the day before! This would imply that we are very routine, habitual creatures. If we think the same things, it would follow that we do the same things too – day, after day, after day, after day. Oh, my goodness…this is downright boring and no wonder we fall into “the daily grind!”
Think about it. Don’t you have the same morning routine, the same routine driving to work, the same routine at work, after work, and perhaps your nighttime ritual as well? If we want to start something different in our lives, it will feel very foreign to us initially. These foreign thoughts are not part of our 90% repetition! It will not be part of our everyday habits as mentioned. We will have to make these new thoughts part of our new way of thinking and incorporate them into our existing habits until they feel “normal” to us. How many of us have started a new diet or new exercise routine only to drop it very quickly after it began? It wasn’t “normal” to us. It didn’t “feel” right at first. And then, we quickly fell back into our “normal” routine that we have lived day upon day, week upon week, month upon month, year upon year… To stick with something new we need to do it long enough for it to become a habit. I remember reading Dr. Andrew Weil’s works, and he alluded to it taking on average eight weeks for something to become a permanent change in our lives.
" If we instead, train our minds to focus on the 10 really awesome things that happened today, we will stay in a more positive mood, which invokes more positive thoughts, which in turn makes it easier to take on and stick to more positive actions in our life."
Knowledge does not equate to change in behavior. I know I should eat right and exercise, yet I will still reach for a bag of chips and a living room chair. I am far more apt to reach for the negative foods and the negative behavior patterns when I am in a stressful negative situation. If ten really awesome things happened to you today, and one bad one – what do you think we tend to focus on? If you said the one bad one, you are right! If we instead, train our minds to focus on the 10 really awesome things that happened today, we will stay in a more positive mood, which invokes more positive thoughts, which in turn makes it easier to take on and stick to more positive actions in our life. Doing this will feel foreign to you at first I promise – especially if it isn’t part of your normal, habitual way of thinking. However, doing this brings about new neuro-pathways that bring about new positive habits. For the next seven days, notice your daily routine. Pay attention to your thought focus over the next seven days as well. Are you quick to focus on the negative things that happen to you or are you able instead to focus on the positive? Are you a creature of habit and are those habits serving your highest good?
Remember always that you are worthy, you are lovable, and you deserve goodness in your life!
If I were to say to you right here, right now, that “you are seven foot tall and green,” you would assess what I said against your own “is it true (???) inner filter”, determine very quickly that you are not seven foot tall nor are you green, and the comment would roll off you like water off a duck’s back. However, if I instead said “you are stupid and you are ugly” you might hear what I said and think something like “I am stupid when it comes to math. I barely squeaked by in algebra.” Or, “I have made some really stupid choices in my life.” Or you may say to yourself “You know, it was harder for me to get a date than my friends to the prom. I think it is because the other girls were prettier than me.” Or “the ten pounds I just put on does make my clothes fit a little tighter.”
When I made these very insensitive statements to you, you may very well be a genius and a beauty queen. But depending on who I am to you – your friend, your sister, your mother, or a total stranger, you are more or less willing to accept what I said as the truth. However, the ultimate gauge you use as the filter as to whether or not you believe the statement lies with your own self-esteem, your own self-assessment, and your own self-talk. The next time someone makes an insensitive comment to you, don’t let it through your filter. Don’t start down the path of your own negative self-talk. Instead, just replace their comment with “oh, they just told me I was seven foot tall and green.”
Remember always that you are worthy, you are lovable, and you deserve goodness in your life!
Pulling on a rubber band and stretching it to its max, makes the rubber band, once released, fling violently the other direction. If one happens to be in the way of this velocity, a sharp sting ensues. At any given time in our lives, we have different “parts” of us that require attention. If we divide our lives into separate components, we can individually see these “buckets” that need our time and attention. Everyone’s exact makeup of their individual buckets may differ, but we may also share some in common. I happen to have a mother bucket, a career bucket, a significant other bucket, an alone time bucket, an exercise bucket, and a friend bucket – just to name a few. I have found that at different times of my life one or more buckets demands more of my time, energy, and resources depending on the situation. I have also found that for the most part, the buckets are in need of filling individually and that they don’t tend to overlap. If I am spending time with my children, I won’t be spending time on my career. If I spend time alone, I won’t be spending time with my significant other. Now, it is true that you can fill up two buckets at the same time. For example, by going for a walk, I can satisfy my alone time as well as my need to exercise. I can spend time with my children while spending time with my significant other having fun at a backyard BBQ.
The biggest thing I have noticed over the years though is that I find myself off kilter when I spend too much time in one bucket while allowing the other buckets to remain unfilled. If I must work many long hours at my job, I end up not filling up quality time as a mother, or as a friend. If I spend too much time with my children, I end up being out of balance in the other aspects of my life. When my buckets get out of whack, I have less satisfaction as a whole person and I also tend to move more easily to the negative emotions of life. I tend to move more quickly to anger, loneliness or sadness when I am out of balance. When my buckets are in balance, I can more easily find joy, laughter, and goodness in these parts of my life.
When we are pulled too hard in one direction, we often go very hard in the opposite direction as compensation. A pendulum pulled to the left will return exactly that same distance to the right. A pendulum in balance can remain there – literally, forever. Just like needing to balance my buckets so that I lead a satisfying life, I also find that I need balance with my health as well. I need the balance that comes from paying attention to my body, mind, and spirit.
Try to find equilibrium in your life. Try to balance out your buckets. And for goodness sakes, don’t stretch anything in your life as tightly as a rubber band. The sting that ensues when it snaps back creates a wake-up call to quickly get back in balance, which cannot easily be ignored!
Remember always that you are worthy, you are lovable, and you deserve goodness in your life!
